


Faltering Flame

by UltimateDespairs



Category: Fire Emblem: Soen no Kiseki/Akatsuki no Megami | Fire Emblem Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, because I am a slut for that good old comfort, but not very post, post RD, spoilers from RD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 22:05:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15349746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateDespairs/pseuds/UltimateDespairs
Summary: With every beat of his heart, every glance at his veins, he's reminded again and again of the curse of his blood. Of something worse then he had ever even imagined. Fate heaps cruelty on a boy that never should have existed, was damned by birth and left in the dirt, but another always reaches into that darkness, warm as a flame that draws your eyes. As secure as the life fire brings.





	Faltering Flame

The flame of the candle was bright and faltering, all at once. Soren watched it dance, passively. His eyes were glazed over, unseeing, uncomprehending, deep in thought. But the flame of the candle reflected off of them, the irises bright with the colour even as they were clearly unfocused and dead.   
  
_ I don’t understand. _ _  
_ _  
_ Time and time again, he ran it over in his head. Over and over. The words Queen Almedha and King Pelleas had spoken to him.   
  
_ “You are the Prince of Daein. You are Ashnard’s true son.” _ _  
_ _  
_ Soren hadn’t believed it. How could he believe it? How could he believe the cruelest twist of fate, thrust into his stomach like a burning dagger. Again, and again, again, again, again -    
  
_ I’m not a prince. I’m not the son of that man. I’m not -  _ _  
_ _  
_ Soren had run away, not because he was scared of their lies, but because he knew it was true. His contact with the spirits of the wind...it had settled in his gut, a statement of truth that couldn’t be denied.   
  
_ My blood is so cursed… _ _  
_ _  
_ He had curled up, staring at the veins on his wrist. Feeling his heart pump, again and again. He imagined Ashnard’s cruel laughter, as he had blindly hacked at Ike so fiercely. As he had turned the men under his command to mindless beasts.   
  
He saw that blood pumping through him, and he couldn’t bear it. How…?    
  
_ It’s unthinkable. _ _  
_ _  
_ Not even screams would come to him. No words, could even hope to convey, whatever this...was…  
  
And yet, it was true. It was true. Soren’s fingers were shaking with the thought.   
  
“Soren…?”   
  
The voice of the one man he trusted should have been a comfort to him. But instead it sent a shot of fear up his spine, cold as ice, cruel as a slap.   
  
_ No… _ _  
_ _  
_ Heedless of his inner turmoil, Ike stepped into the tent, lifting the flap. As always, he looked concerned, worried, for his partner. Soren couldn’t bear to meet his gaze.   
  
_ Does he already know? I… _ _  
_ _  
_ “...King Pelleas...he mentioned that you were upset.” Ike mused instead, picking up on Soren’s anxiety. “...He said...something happened. Soren, what was it? You look like death…”   
  
Soren shuddered again, and Ike sat down next to him.   
  
“...Soren? Talk to me. Please, don’t do this.” Ike said softly, those words of security taking deep route in his stubborn heart. “Don’t go silent on me. Not now.”   
  
“Ike - “   
  
Where could he begin? Where could he even hope to begin? He bit his lip, hard. Ike had said he had understood him, had held him while he cried. Remembered their first meeting…   
  
_ I can’t…! _ _  
_ _  
_ “...Whatever it is...it can’t be worse than being Branded to you, right?” Ike spoke softly, trying to console the other. As it was, his words had the opposite effect. Soren shook his head silently, throat still closed up. Ike blinked.   
  
“...Soren...what happened?”   
  
As ever, despite his fear, despite his reservations, Soren was like a captive to that calming blue stare, like blue flames hidden inside sapphires. Despite his fear, he began to relax.   
  
_ If I can’t tell Ike, I can’t tell anyone. _ _  
_ _  
_ “...Ike...I…”   
  
_ I… _ _  
_ _  
_ “...I was told...who my parents were…” He finally said, glancing aside. Granted, given a few decades, he probably would have figured it out himself - Queen Almedha was the last Dragon Laguz to leave her nation and birth a Branded in decades, at least. It wouldn’t have taken long for him to put the pieces together and see how they painted such a dreadfully horrifying picture.   
  
“...Your parents? The ones who left you?”   
  
“...I…” He stuttered, “...yes…”   
  
Ike was silent, clearly thinking deeply about this. Soren could tell that much. Ike always thought deeply when it came to him. Soren still didn’t understand why, but there it certainly, undeniably was.   
  
“...Well...they abandoned you...so I don’t think it should matter who they are.” Ike finally seemed to settle on. “Unless one of them is trying to talk to you again…?”   
  
Soren felt the lump in his throat tighten. He refused to cry. He would not cry. Goddess, he couldn’t do that to Ike again. No…   
  
“...Almedha.” He finally, finally said, voice cracking. “...Queen Almedha...is my mother…”   
  
“Queen - ?”   
  
“Which means…” Soren’s eyes went blank, as if he were under a trance or spell, and not speaking of his own free will, but being forced to speak. “...Ashnard...was my father…”   
  
For a few minutes, the only sound was the sound of the fire crackling outside.   
  
“...Ashnard?” Ike finally managed to say, voice just a little strained - he was trying to hide it, but Soren knew Ike better than anyone. He could tell when he was upset, tired, forcing himself to speak - “...Are...are you certain, Soren?”   
  
“Of course. Almedha...she...she is certain. And I...know this isn’t a lie.”   
  
Again, silence.   
  
Soren couldn’t bear to meet those eyes - he was frightened. Frightened Ike would look deep in his own and see some resemblance to his father and pull back in disgust even if he tried not to.   
  
“...It’s...like some sort of cruel joke, isn’t it?” Soren managed to say, fingers once again shaking. “...I thought...I thought nothing could make me more disgusting than being Branded, but - “   
  
“Soren - “   
  
“It turns out I have the blood of the Mad King running in my veins - the blood of the maddest tyrant in decades - “   
  
“Soren!”   
  
“If the blood of a dragon wouldn’t disgust you, fate just had to make it harder, and give me the blood of a madman on top of that, someone who caused you so much pain, so much suffering - “   
  
“Soren...don’t talk like that.” Ike reached out a hand, resting it around his shoulders. “...This doesn’t...it isn’t important. You’re still you, Soren. You’re not anything like him - “   
  
“How can you say that, Ike?” Soren, for the first time in weeks, found himself pulling away from Ike’s gentle, warm touch. “How? In another life, in another path, you and I would have been enemies by birth. You would have despised my lineage, despised my noble blood - twice over - ! I...I would have worked with that man….to bring you down…”   
  
His breathing picked up at such a thought, because he knew it could have so easily been true. All it would have taken would have been Ashnard simply being more patient and seeing how a Branded child would grow -    
  
“But Soren, you didn’t do those things. Listen to me.” Ike tried to cup his face, turning it towards him, but Soren once again pulled away, whimpering almost like a lost child. “...You’re so much more than that. This doesn’t change anything, not at all - “   
  
“...You killed my father in front of me...and my uncle as well…” Soren spoke softly, and Ike tensed; Soren knew he was thinking of his own father’s death in front of his eyes. “...Ike...that’s…”   
  
“...I’m sorry. Not for doing that, but…” Ike’s gaze was overflowing with sympathy. “...I’m so sorry, Soren. But I promise - none of this changes anything for me. Not at all.”   
  
“...How can you look at me...knowing the blood of that man goes through my veins…?”   
  
He looked up at him, than, falling into his gaze all over again.   
  
“How can you know...that I’m a prince twice over…? I have the surest claim to the throne of Daein, a distant one to Goldoa, I...I…”   
  
“It doesn’t matter to me, Soren.” Ike said softly, finally. “Because you haven’t changed. This might scare you...but...you haven’t changed, Soren. Ashnard is dead. You don’t have to have anything to do with him anymore. You don’t owe Daein anything, either. This...doesn’t matter.”   
  
“Ike…”   
  
Part of him refused to believe it - accepting his Brand was one miracle, asking for so many more seemed so unfair.   
  
Slowly, Ike reached out, embracing him tightly, stroking back his hair.   
  
_ How can it not matter…? How can you not be even a little unsettled? It seems so impossible...that you could just accept this. Oh, Goddess… _ _  
_ _  
_ “I love you, Soren.” Ike said softly, and Soren tensed, eyes beginning to sting with tears despite himself. “I love you. This doesn’t change that, not at all. Your father doesn’t define you. It took me...a long time to realize that. And you helped me realize that. Our parents...we don’t have to uphold their legacies, no matter what anyone here says.”   
  
“That’s…”   
  
“...That’s why I finally decided to leave. With you. Because all of this...the Mercenaries...General Zelgius…” Ike touched Soren’s cheek gently. “...It all frightens me. I’ve spent so much time chasing after my father’s shadow...and what have I become…? I was so scared of not being able to be like him...that I killed a man who was carrying such a similar burden to yours. I didn’t even think about it.”   
  
Soren fell quiet, letting Ike talk. Ike himself...seemed to need to get this out of his head, and out into the open. And who else would listen? Who else could Ike, the Radiant Hero, speak to with such vulnerability, so softly, of his worries and fears?   
  
“...Don’t let your father define you, Soren. Don’t be like I was...because even if your last name is Daein...even if you bear the title of Prince...you’re still Soren. And that’s something neither of those people cared to give you. A name all your own.”   
  
“...Ike…”   
  
Soren glanced away, unable to meet those pools of emotion. Ike really had...been struggling with so much…   
  
“...If that’s what you truly think, Ike…” Soren swallowed, willing back his tears. “...Then...I suppose I must think the same…”   
  
“I don’t expect you to act like this didn’t happen.” Ike added quietly. “Something like this...it is frightening to think of. Having your parents be people you didn’t know, who did such things...I can’t...begin to imagine how much you’re suffering, Soren.”   
  
Ike turned Soren’s face, and this time, Soren didn’t have the strength to resist.   
  
“...I can only hope...I can relieve it a little for you, Soren. I swear. Even if it take decades...I’ll make sure...you won’t be in as much pain over this.”   
  
_ Decades… _ _  
_ _  
_ Another spasm of pain and agony went through Soren’s eyes as a truth he hadn’t realized before shot to the forefront of his mind, and he whimpered, just softly. This wasn’t fair…   
  
“...Soren…?”   
  
“...I…” He glanced away. “...When I was in Begnion...when I discovered I was Branded...I also learned about the different Branded that existed.” His heart felt like it was tripping in his chest, pain flickering through his eyes. “...There are different traits for different Branded...appearances...abilities...lifespans…”   
  
“Lifespans…?”   
  
“...Yes. Branded who have the blood of the strongest dragons….they live an average of nearly two hundred years, and age just as slowly.” A horrifying picture played in his mind, one he usually didn’t imagine when imagining their future. “...By the time you die of old age...I will not even be halfway done with my life...I will still look young, and you will be dead…”   
  
Ike was quiet for a moment, and Soren wondered if this was one step too far for Ike, finally the step that made him leave him behind, stop loving him - it seemed so unfathomable, that he could live such a cursed life and still have love. He supposed, though, he was the son of the cruelest man in centuries. Why wouldn’t he be so cursed, to bear the sins of his father?   
  
“...I’m sorry, Soren. But...I’m a bit relieved, in a strange way.”   
  
“...Relieved?”   
  
He hadn’t been expecting that - disgust, or frustration, or sadness - but not relief. What was Ike thinking…?   
  
“...It’s a little selfish, but….it’s always saddened me, just a little, how devoted you are to me, Soren. Not because I don’t want you so close, but because...it feels as though you don’t allow yourself to live your own life. You have such talents and genius, but you won’t use them for any sake but mine - “   
  
Soren’s gaze narrowed, sharply. “I don’t want to use my talents for anyone but you. I refuse. They are yours alone.”   
  
Ike gave a deep sigh, and Soren couldn’t help but flinch, just a little, at the look in his eyes. “...I know you don’t want to, Soren, but listen...you’re going to live a long life. And you’re so much stronger and smarter than me. It isn’t fair that I’m going to leave an undeserved legacy behind...while you barely get mentioned in the pages of history. You could do so much, if you didn’t latch yourself to me. I want you close, of course I do. Don’t ever think I don’t...but...Soren, I would like you to live for your own sake...instead of just for mine…”   
  
Soren stared at Ike as if he’d never seen him before. Live for his own sake? Never could Soren imagine doing such a thing. But Ike’s gaze was pleading with him, desperate and hurt, and Soren found he couldn’t even look at it for long. Goddess…   
  
“...Once you are gone...there will be less light in the world.” Soren finally spoke up, running a hand through his own hair, tempted to tug it out by the roots. But he didn’t. Ike wouldn’t like that. “There will be less compassion, and kindness...just because you do not exist. I…”   
  
He swallowed, emotions a pool in his gut.   
  
“...Part of me wants to keep that light for myself...but...you would prefer it if I tried to spread it myself, wouldn’t you?” He glanced up, shaking his head. “...I always chastise you for being too soft hearted...too naive...too selfless...but the truth is...I’ve always admired that light of yours...I simply can’t embody it myself. No matter how I try...I can’t see the world the way you do.”   
  
“That’s not your fault.” Ike reminded him, “Soren, after everything you’ve been through, you’re not obligated to be so open and kind. You’re not obligated to be like me.”   
  
“...Not obligated, but…”   
  
It was difficult to think how to put it. He sighed.   
  
“I’ve always put your needs first, Ike. Your safety...that’s not the only reason I’m so cold, but it’s...certainly the main factor. But without you there, I…”   
  
It seems arrogant to say, or even to think. How could he be like Ike? How could he even entertain the idea...of being compassionate and selfless? But...it would be decades, nearly a century, before…   
  
“...Soren, you always think too hard about things.” Ike sighed, leaning back and pulling Soren with him, sitting on the bed with him in his lap. “...We don’t have to worry about this now. It won’t happen for...longer than I can comprehend, really.”   
  
“Ah, that’s…”   
  
Ike wrapped his arms around him, as warm and as accepting as ever, and Soren found himself shuddering, both in reaction to his warmth and light he graced him with, and with pure emotion. The instinctive exhilaration of being with Ike, or being close to him. Such a simple pleasure.   
  
_ Even if it is now tainted by the shadow of my longevity.  
  
_ He pushed himself against Ike’s shoulder, letting him stroke his hair. Now that he knew, he almost never wanted to sleep again - sleeping meant giving up precious time with Ike, time that he now knew was so limited and fleeting.   
  
_ Like dusk. Or like dawn… _ _  
_ _  
_ Something so vapid and fragile, it disappeared before you even understood it was there. Because you could understand the significance of the warmth the rising sun brought, or how you couldn’t appreciate the slowly falling warmth of dusk until it was gone, and you were left with the harsh cold of night.   
  
_ Ike has always been all the warmth in the world. Even that foolish girl could see that much. I can’t imagine this sun ever fully setting. _ _  
_ _  
_ “...If that’s what you want, Ike. We don’t have to discuss it...not yet.”   
  
But the day would come when it would be inevitable, when Ike’s hair would start losing it’s beautiful blue colour and would slowly fade to gray, while Soren still was full of youth. But...they didn’t have to think of this now. Ike was right about that.   
  
“...Let’s just relax, Soren.” Ike paused. “...You still want to leave with me, don’t you?”   
  
“Of course, Ike. I could think of nothing better. If you tried to leave without me, you realize I would follow, anyway.”   
  
“I could never dream of leaving you, Soren.”   
  
Even at this point, Soren couldn’t fully understand why Ike valued him so much, held him closely and dearly, more than anyone else. It seemed like so much to ask for and get in return - so much love and acceptance that Soren had gotten nowhere else, to the point where he’d stopped looking for it elsewhere long ago.   
  
“I want you to live for yourself...but I can’t help also wanting you to stay by my side for as long as you can...that’s selfish, isn’t it? I’m sorry. But...it’s true…”   
  
“...I don’t think...it’s selfish to want to have the person you love by your side.” Soren pointed out, idly feeling his face growing a little red. “Especially since I want that as well. To be by your side for as long as you draw breath.”   
  
_ No longer can I say...for as long as I breathe… _ _  
_ _  
_ Such cruelty. He squeezed Ike, just a little, and he squeezed him back, reassuring him with his body if not his words that things would, at the very least, be bearable.   
  
_ And I still have a beorc lifetime to live with Ike. That’s more than enough. It’s more than I deserve. I shouldn’t ask for more. Fate has given me this much, even if it has given me nothing else. _ _  
_ _  
_ His eyes fluttered, his body exhausted from his emotional outburst, from the shock that still sometimes hit him in soft painful jolts. But he couldn’t sleep, not now - he still felt afraid, like every moment conscious with Ike was a blessing. Something he just couldn’t give up -    
  
“...Soren. I can tell you’re exhausted.” Ike murmured, kissing his temple. “You can rest. It’s okay, Soren. I’m still here. And I’m not going anywhere.”   
  
Soren’s heart ached, for just a moment. But Ike was telling him to rest...and he was exhausted. But how could he sleep, after all this? Knowing everything…   
  
“Shh…” Ike stroked his hair and back, and Soren found the motion instinctively lulling and relaxing despite his fear. Ike was safety, and he always could relax with him. Ike had accepted him, even knowing his heritage, his blood, his eventual future.   
  
“Tomorrow, we can leave this place. I promise, Soren. It’ll just be the two of us - no nobles, or goddesses, or soldiers to control us or defy us. You don’t have to worry about sleeping.”   
  
Soren nodded, not really thinking - it was as if exhaustion had hit him like a sudden slap.   
  
“I know...we both need rest.”   
  
“Yeah.”   
  
Ike’s arms were like a blanket enveloping him, and he was powerless to resist it. He sighed, softly, resigned to his fate.   
  
_ All I can do...is work to make Ike as happy as I can. After that… _ _  
_ _  
_ He couldn’t think at the moment. His half open eyes stared at the flame of the candle in the room. Flickering. Faltering.    
  
And as if it was a hypnotic spiral, his eyes slowly closed, and he practically passed out rather than fell asleep. It was all he could do at the moment...even if he desperately wished to stay awake. To stay with Ike just a little longer.   
  
_ It can’t be helped. It can’t. Life and time is so very fragile, after all. _   
  
  



End file.
